you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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