I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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