Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All I want is dick and wine.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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