She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
