Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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