haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
