hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
