Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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