someone get that fucking seahorse.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
