Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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