dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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