Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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