I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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