I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
