You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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