I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
