Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
