It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
