If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
