I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
