maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
