That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
