i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
