we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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