you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
