I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
