I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
