I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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