I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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