Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize