OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
