Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
