3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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