Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize