I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
