Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
