She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize