Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
