He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
