The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
