Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
