some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
