Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
