TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
