Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
