one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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