I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
