OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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