i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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