Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
