My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your penis caused this!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
