I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
