My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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