Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
