i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
