Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
