I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
