wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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