YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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