i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
