Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
