Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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