He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
