The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
