Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
