bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
