Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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