Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
