I love black thongs
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize