just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize