I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
