he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm always down for nudity.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
