ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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