you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
