What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
