What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
