Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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