Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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