She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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