PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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