I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I fill condoms, not promises.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
